Four Letters. Starts With "L"

A friend and I were talking about when and how to say ILY for the first time in a relationship. She is adamant that the female should wait for the male to say it. As a female, I can see her point. You don't want to say it too early and scare the guy off thinking he's dating some ticking child bomb who is just looking for a husband or an unstable thing who falls in love with every guy she sleeps with. On the other hand, I have been the recipient of a premature ILY and it scared the crap out of me and got me thinking that the guy was off his rocker (which, incidentally, turned out to be not true - I am just that lovable).

I think (as I believe the majority of the free world would) that it shouldn't be planned or thought out, but it should happen spontaneously when the feeling strikes you. Now granted, saying ILY for the first time is quite possibly one of the scariest things ever - not only are you apprehensive of the recipient not saying it back (or worse only saying it because you did, not because they mean it) but you are also scared that the recipient will say it back and I do believe that is scarier than the first option. If it is said back in earnest that means you two have broken down each other's walls, arrived at a point where you know each other better than most others (at least enough of the good and bad to know that nothing short of cheating, abuse or killing puppies in fields of dandelions for sport would change how you feel about them) and being that emotionally close to someone is scary, no matter how well-balanced you are mentally. It is one of the best feelings in the world though.

I have never gone into saying ILY with the expectation of hearing it back. I think it takes away the beauty and honesty of it if you go in with motives other than letting that person know what they mean to you. Some of the best ILYs have knocked both the giver and receiver off guard - said in the heat of an argument, during a laughing fit or worst of all, when you realize you are losing that person. I guess it really boils down to this. There are enough games played (both intentionally and unintentionally) in relationships without adding this to the mix. If you love someone, tell them. You never know when you won't get the chance.