Hindsight Really Is 20/20

My friend Jim just called for one of our daily check ins (he's the only person I talk to nearly every day) and after the "how are you?" "I'm well, how are you?"s, completely out of the blue he asked "Hey, did you ever get your dishes back from Mr.P?" I answered that no, I have not heard anything from him since we broke up, despite trying twice to set up a time for the exchange. Granted, my second message may have been a bit snarky, along the lines of "Guess I'll get my dishes back when you learn courtesy" or something to that effect, but still, it's not that difficult to reply to a text people. Even if it's something like "I hate you right now. I'll get your dishes to you later." Anyhoodle, Jim rather angrily suggested we go over and pound on Mr.P's door until I get my stuff. It's been almost an hour and I'm still giggling over his outrage. It's sweet that he's so upset that someone is being a dick to me. I love him for that even if this behavior from Mr.P is completely expected on my part.

I suppose I could be the bigger person and let Mr.P know I have no hard feelings (other than a smidge of anger over a situation I'll describe later by most likely just c&p'ing a conversation I had with KB about it earlier*), that I realized almost immediately we are both better off not dating, since really all we did was have sex or go to movies. I can't recall too many instances of us having actual conversations about things that matter. Any time I'd try, he would joke things off or give ridiculous "solutions" to whatever it was I just wanted to chat or vent about. He's a fun guy, can be very sweet, but he can also be incredibly selfish and clueless. I'm not saying I was perfect, I will never say I've done nothing wrong, but I really put up with stuff I should not have because it was nice to be with someone.

To my above point that I am not perfect, I have a very dear friend whom I've known over 20 years who is going through an incredibly hard time right now. It's really been weighing heavily on me, as I'm one of the few people he can talk with about what he's feeling and I just feel absolutely worthless in helping him. I just needed someone to listen to me. Instead, all Mr.P could do was ask questions about why my friend wasn't doing more and make observations about how easy it is to fix everything that is going wrong, etc. I've not been as angry at someone in a very very long time as I was with him at that moment. I was one minute from getting out of the car, even though we were stuck in traffic in the middle of Thomas Circle.

*me: So I am not a very good person at times.

Katie: lol, did you text a nasty-gram to Mr. P?

me: Did I tell you that two days before we broke up Mr. P was pretty dickish and insensitive when I was trying to talk about my friend being suicidal-ish?

12:00 PM Like to the point I almost got out of his car while we were stuck in traffic.

Katie: You did not tell me that, no.

But that's horrible.

12:01 PM me: Well, one of the major issues I have with him, always have and most likely always will, is that any time there is something discussed that needs a solution, he comes up with ridiculous ideas. Like I was talking abut how my friend hasn't been able to find a job and Mr.P was saying all kinds of dumb things instead of just being "Wow, I'm really sorry that a close friend you've known for over 20 years is having a really hard time."

12:02 PM Anyhoodle.

Mr.P's last two Facebook statuses have been:

Mr.P: Every single person wants tomorrow to be better than today. If we just help each other get there, just a little tiny bit, the world would be closer to perfect each and every day.November 30 at 11:05pm

Which I just ROLLED MY EYES AT

12:03 PM Katie: As well you should have....

me: And then this one, which made me actually flip off my computer screen.

Mr.P: Life is a dream, on a river, and try as we might we never know where it will take us and when the journey will end, but until that day we should all strive to make the most of it, keep our friends and family out of the rapids, and lend a hand and a paddle whenever we can. (My dedication to my friend S, wherever you are).Fri at 12:55am

12:04 PM I mean, it's sad that someone he was friends with died.

But FUCK YOU.

Katie: So he can be compassionate, but only when it's HIS friend??

me: AGREED

Katie: Wow...

12:05 PM me: It's taking everything in me to not write him an email saying "I'm unfriending you. Not because I hate you or am angry at you or wish you ill. I'm unfriending you because the amazingly high levels of hypocrisy you've shown the last week are making me ill."

So, I unfriended him with no contact. I just can't deal with him preaching good to all and loving support when he couldn't muster a minute of it to me a week before. That said, in all honesty, I haven't thought about him much, or missed him at all since the break up, much like the first time we broke up about 6 months ago. That's what makes me the saddest I think. That after being intimate with someone for a year, off and on, there is little to no change in my day to day life now that he's out of it. Sigh.

I'm sure in a month or so, after I've gotten through my dad's birthday (the 28th - the first since he died) and the first anniversary of his death (January 3rd) I'll sit down and write Mr.P an email telling him what I think, where I'm at, maybe including a link for postage so he can just mail me my stuff even though I'm sure he's been within blocks of my house at least a couple times in the last week or so...but for now, I'll continue giggling about the ridiculousness of the situation and be thankful that neither of us were invested enough to be too hurt by the breakup and that we're both hopefully on to things and people better suited for each of us. Or maybe by January I'll just go buy myself new baking dishes.