Major, Life-Altering Surgery and Why I'm Having It

Over the last year or so I've been having GI problems, the last 3 months so severe to the point I've lost about 40 lbs since I saw some of you in CA in July.  I've been to almost every specialist (GI, Rheumatologist, OB/GYN, Allergist, etc.) you could think up and have had I'm damn near sure every procedure and test known to man performed (countless blood tests, colonoscopy, upper and lower GI series, barium x-rays, cat scans, ultrasounds, etc.) and they still haven't been able to diagnose me with anything other than a vague "malabsorption" issue and really low B-12.  My B-12 is so low I'm getting weekly shots indefinitely. 


So, the good news is I don't have Crohn's or cancer or celiacs (oh my!) but for some reason my GI tract is moving things through at too rapid a pace for me to absorb most nutrients.  Mine processes things in about 30 minutes when it should be taking upwards of 4 hours.  The bad news is that the only way we've been able to curb the rapid weight loss (and fainting and dizziness and...) is to strictly limit my diet.  So since the first week of September, I've been eating a diet consisting of banana, yogurt, applesauce, rice, chicken stock, sometimes I can manage steamed chicken, toast, and mashed potatoes.  Over the last few weeks, I've tried introducing actual vegetables other than potatoes and while the first tries were, let's just say disastrous, I have managed to work in a few such as carrots and squash.  I am slowly inching towards colorful meals again and I can't be more delighted.

Up until a few weeks ago, I was only able to consume roughly 1-2 cups of food a day.  I still feel painfully full after eating, no matter how little, but I am able to eat 3-4 small meals a day now so the rapid weight loss has been stopped.  Because of this lack of nutrition and fuel, I have not been able to work since late August.  I get winded walking around the block.  That has been the worst part - not being able to be as active and alive as I want to be.  I force myself to do things and then have to sleep, A LOT, after just to regain energy.  

During the abdominal CT early on in this ordeal, I was told they discovered a "large mass" in my abdomen.  After spending roughly 20 hours telling myself "It's not a tumah," the next day I had an abdominal utlrasound of my ovaries and uterus and it was determined that among about 20 others (those are only the ones visible), I have a fibroid measuring roughly 11cm.  Which is huge it turns out and has put my uterus into a constant state of being the size it would be if I were 5 months pregnant.  When my OB/GYN told me this she said "You are carrying it amazingly well.  I would never have guessed all this was in there." So I have that going for me...but I also have a mutant uterus that is doing nothing but growing and putting pressure on my small intestine and bladder.  It was recommended that I have a total abdominal hysterectomy, leaving my ovaries intact.  My immediate response was "hell no, I don't want to have surgery if I don't HAVE to."  But after weeks of thinking on it and doing tons of research (see: not working) I discovered I could be a candidate for a myomectomy, which is a surgery to remove the fibroids while keeping the uterus intact.  This would be just an intermediary surgery, giving me some years of relief while knowing I would have to have a hysterectomy in 5-10 years.  My uterus would grow more fibroids and would become huge again and at that point in my life, a hysterectomy would be my only option.  I should also mention that my mother (31) and both aunts (early 40s) had hysterectomies due to fibroids and say it's the best thing they did.

I have spoken with my OB/GYN (who is AWESOME) a number of times at length, going over options that didn't include major surgery, and she was completely willing to perform the open myomectomy if it was my wish to keep my uterus, given that I'm only 37 and may want children at some point.  I have known forever that I don't so that hasn't been an issue, but the thought of losing a part of my body really weighed heavily on me; even a part I have never had any intention of using. It's still a part that defines who we are as women...literally.  Weighing the emotional issues against having to have two extensive abdominal surgeries, rather than just one, I decided, after much talking with my amazingly supportive friends and family and much much crying, to have the hysterectomy now and save a lot of time and trouble (and money considering I won't have to take any more birth control pills.) 

While the mutant uterus is not directly tied to the GI problems I've been having, it has most definitely contributed to them.  It is my, and my doctors', hope that removing this...thing...will grant me some relief from the GI issues, and will most definitely grant me relief from the pain and discomfort I've lived with for the last few years from the fibroids.

I'm told that I'll be in the hospital 2-3 days, most likely being discharged sometime Sunday.  My incredible mother will be here for the surgery and roughly a week after, so I'll have my very own live-in nurse for the roughest part of recovery, which total can take anywhere from 4-6 weeks.  I warn you now, I will be on percoset and going stir-crazy - a combination that will most likely result in embarrassing, yet hilarious antics.

The two points I wanted to make with this ridiculously long post are these:

1. You cannot get through life without friends and family.  I've always thought being strong and independent meant doing things on my own, not having to ask for help, being self-sufficient.  That is a giant, steaming pile of crock.  Being strong means realizing when you need help and support and having the courage to ask those around you for it.  My hope for all of you is that you have the kind of support system I do, because I have never felt more loved than I have this past month.  I am truly blessed.

2. Having a hysterectomy is not a decision one should, or even could I imagine, enter into lightly.  While it is the second most common surgery, behind C-sections, for women in the US, it is a major, invasive surgery.  And it changes your life.  I've had to come to terms with the fact that even though I won't have all my lady parts, I am still going to be very much a woman in every sense of the word.  I still struggle with this and I'm sure I will post-op, but as it has been pointed out to me many times, no one should have to live with this kind of discomfort and pain.  Even if you can handle it like I can - don't.  Get help for chronic pain.  Do what is necessary to live a good, healthy, pain-free life.  It is not a sign of weakness to fix what ails you.

Wish me luck and I'll be sure to post a percoset-hazed post-op update.