Update

Let me preface this by saying I realize it is going to be one-sided, but that is the nature of the beast that is the blog.

So I am once again single. Paul and I broke up last night. I'm sad, of course, but this morning I woke up for the first time in I don't know how long and had no trouble getting out of bed. I really feel a big sense of relief. Don't get me wrong - I'm sad, I'm disappointed it didn't work out, I'm not looking forward to going through all of this dating crap again and I know there are going to be times I'm really going to miss him, there are going to be times when my first thought is going to be "wow, Paul would love this" but I'm going to be okay.

I think we've both known for awhile now that this needed to happen but for various reasons we've both put it off. We do like each other, we enjoy each other's company for the most part, but there has always been something missing. When you're with someone for as long as Paul and I were together, that person should be the one you go to with things that are bothering you, that person should be the one who comforts you and knows how to comfort you. He and I never had any of that. Plus, I'm fairly certain he never set up a PlanB playlist on his iPod and for someone as into music as he is, that is not a good sign. Yes, I had one for him, but it included songs I knew would be good breakup songs for us. Also not a good sign.

Looking back (you know what they say about hindsight, 20-20 and all) I can see that the times when I haven't blogged have been the times when I wasn't happy with the relationship. I never posted about our trip to California because it was a huge disappointment. Not just my dad being a wanker, but because Paul didn't enjoy it. He wasn't excited/interested in seeing places and meeting people that are very important to me. So I spent the entire trip trying to make sure he had a good time and as a result neither of us really did.

Don't get me wrong here. Paul is not solely at fault. I'm sure he will make someone very happy, just as I'm sure I will make someone very happy. It's just that we don't make each other very happy. He went into this not wanting a relationship and I went in wanting one. We're leaving with the same feelings. I hope he and I can be friends, it seems to be what he wants too. I actually think we'll be better friends than we were dating.