Oh My God It Is 4:04

Where did my day go? I can't believe it is almost over. Yay! It has been one of those days that started off well and continued to go that way. I've been super busy, but it has been a really good busy so I will refrain from complaining. Looking forward to the weekend - hopefully my adventures will create some fun stories for y'all.

What's the Matter With Kansas?

I'm reading the book What's the Matter With Kansas - How Conservatives Won the Heart of America by Thomas Frank right now. It is quite the entertaining read focused around the supposition that it is self-defeating for middle america red states to vote so solidly Republican. He goes through the history of the state from its start as a haven for radical liberals to the uber-conservative state it is today. So when I received an email from my dear friend and soon to be former co-worker Niki with the subject "Just something else that's wrong with Kansas" I was intrigued. And then I became sickened by the article (click on title above). Turns out you can marry a 14 year old boy or 12 year old girl in Kansas as long as there is parental consent. WHAT?!?!? How is that okay? This just gives more backing to my "you should need a license to have children" movement.

Dictator or Sit-Com Star?

This is mindless fun for a couple minutes. Enjoy!

More Jersey

You know how there are just some songs and occasionally cds that just speak to your current frame of mind or circumstances you are going through? Okay, maybe you don't have that connection to music, but I do and right now I can't stop listening to the Garden State soundtrack (especially Track 3 above). It is just that good. I re-watched the movie about a week and a half ago and it was just as good the third time around. It also reminded me of how much I enjoyed the music so I popped the cd into my iTunes and haven't really listened to anything else the last few days. It's calming, relaxing and thought-provoking all at once. I'm done - just promise you'll check it out sometime.

Winning the War on Terror One Kick at a Time

During kickball season we receive Ghost Man on Third which is our weekly newsletter for goings-on in the kickball world. Every week has a top ten and this week's was so great I had to share.

7. KICKBALL IN IRAQ ...

WAKA has launched a kickball division in Iraq -- the Fallujah Semper Fidelis Division. If you don't believe us, check out the following website for proof:
http://www.worldkickball.com/fallujahsemperfidelis/

News that the Marines in Fallujah would be playing kickball got us to wondering: How might kickball in the military be different from our flavor of kickball? We investigated. Here's what we discovered:

Top 10 Ways Kickball Is Different In the Military:

10. Four-woman rule means Honeycutt, Esposito, Carter, and Pyle sometimes have to "pull a Klinger."
9. Pitching rule exception made for squat-thrust technique.
8. "Boo!" replaced with "Drop and give me 50, maggot!"
7. Team leader Sgt. Slaughter gets total head rush when players refer to him as "captain."
6. Spit-shined equipment. (Head-ref has to be able to see his frikkin' reflection in that damn kickball before play can begin, you piece of crap!)
5. "Kicked in the privates" not what you think it means.
4. The Humvee Drivers -- when not AWOL -- always complaining about combat cleats ruining their pedicures.
3. Park Police not the only ones with weapons now, huh? Huh?! How do you like that?!
2. MP Week at Kelly's Iraqi Times always puts MPs in an awkward position.
And the No. 1 way that kickball is different in the military ...
1. No ghost enlisted men allowed.

All jokes aside, Ghost Man salutes our uniformed personnel overseas for their bravery and their perseverance, and we wish them a safe and swift return to U.S. soil.


God bless these shorts.

Spalding Tattoo

I was watching the Sox game last night without Paul - I think the illness is contagious. Granted, I was flipping (there is still hope) and was shocked when I flipped back to the game to see Clement draped on the pitching mound with 10 people around him. Of course this was the one time the announcers had nothing to say so it took a good five minutes of staring at the screen before I found out what happened. I do give the network credit - they warned viewers before replaying the clip of Clement getting nailed in the head by the ball. Unlike the Today show Monday when they kept replaying the video of the woman diver hitting her head on the diving board. Or Monday Night Football about seven years ago (yes, I was that scarred) when they seemed to have the footage of the linebacker (for the Steelers I think?) getting hit and breaking his leg on a constant loop.

Sigh

Ugh. Why are relationships such work? It seems like it would be easy. Two people like each other. Two people spend time with each other and enjoy one another's company. Where does it become difficult? Communication I think. Everyone has their own style of communication and when those two styles don't mix it can be really bad. Some like to talk a lot, some don't like to talk at all and then there are those in the middle. I am usually middle of the road but lately I've been wanting to talk a lot and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not an over-analyzer, I'm usually really good with go-with-the-flow, let's see what happens situations, and am hardly ever insecure in relationships.

This thing with Paul is different and I am not sure why. Maybe it's because this is the first relationship I've taken seriously for a good 6 years. Maybe it's because I'm older and don't want to waste time (or his) if this is something that is just going to be fun. I've been in the "let's just have fun and then go our separate ways" relationships. They have their place but I've outgrown them. I'm not saying I want to get married anytime soon, far from it. I just really need to figure out a bunch of crap before I go down that road. I don't look at him and think "this man is going to be the father of my children" or write my name with his last or think about marriage with him at all at this point. It's still far too new. I guess I just want to know if he sees this going somewhere or if it's just a filler. God, that's awful. I am going to go to physical therapy, go home, take a bath, drink a glass of wine and relax. This is ridiculous. I need more to do.

Penguins, Cops and Copters

After a very miserable, boring day spent on my couch elevating my ankle (no it isn't getting better, but thanks so much for asking!) I was restless and going crazy. Jim and I haven't seen each other for a few weeks so when he called to see what I was doing, I jumped at the chance to go out. We decided to do dinner and a movie. He mentioned March of the Penguins and I jumped all over it. Feeling sorry for me, he agreed, but spent the better part of the evening trying to convince me to see something else (Hustle and Flow) that I do want to see, but it looks depressing and he and I have a tendency to see sad movies so I won out. Don't feel pain for him - his remark as we left was "Wow, that was excellent".

He drove me home like the gentleman he can be and we saw about 30 police cars on and blocking the street below mine. Then after I got in my house, promptly locking the door behind me, I heard a police helicopter patrolling the area. The scary part? Jim and I saying "Oh, someone must have been shot" and continuing about our business. When did I become a person used to gun violence?

Internet Porn

Agie, a friend of ours and I went to dinner Friday night after work. We went to this Irish pub in Bethesda and were dismayed to find no table for us to sit at in the bar. So we shared one with three guys who proved to be, ahem, entertaining to say the least. We weren't being too social with them at first but when one of them got left at the table while the other two went outside he struck up a conversation with us about Broadway shows. I know. It gets odder. The other two come back and join in the conversation (it had since moved on from NYC) and ask us what we do. Somehow my mouth uttered "internet porn". I am going to blame it on the drugs I am taking for my ankle. It digressed from there and thankfully they left pretty soon after. At least the food and beer was good.

Post Secret

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Some are funny, some are disturbing and some will make you think "I am so glad someone else feels that way".

My Own Personal Oompa Loompa

There were quite a few memorable moments from our event last night. Two of my favorite:

The staffer who came in and acted like he owned the place, this after asking where the cash machine was. He then came back and asked where his friends ("our entire office was invited") could put their luggage when they arrived. Um, hello....it is a residence, not a hotel. Oh, and his entire office wasn't invited. The Congressman was, not his interns. Sigh. Hillies.

There was an odd little French man who kept wandering the party. He was about 5'2", roundish with white shoulder length wavy hair. He walked up to me at one point and said "As soon as you are out of that (pointing at my boot) you and me, we will go out". Um okay stranger. Turns out he is Georges DeParis, tailor of the US Presidents dating back to LBJ. He was quite charming and entertaining and if he wasn't old enough to be my grandfather I would take him up on that dinner date.

Ouch

Our event last night was a smashing sucess. Everyone had a fantastic time, the Ambassador was happy and we didn't have to kick anyone out. Unfortunately, standing on my ankle for over four hours didn't agree with it. My leg is pretty much numb from my knee down. And where it isn't numb it hurts like hell. I really should go home, but it is already after four and I'm meeting Paul down the street from my office at 6:30. It just makes more sense to suck it up and stick it out. Ugh.

Inside Voice Plan B, Inside Voice

And by inside I mean inside my head. I'm wearing a top today that I wouldn't normally wear into the office. We have an event this evening and I just didn't feel like bringing extra clothes into the office with me so my shirt is not-quite-but-borderline office inappropriate. It's just a little more low-cut and flouncy than I would prefer. Nothing scandalous by any means. Moving on. My boss came into my office first thing this morning with a huge smile on his face and said "nice boot". Well what I heard and said out loud was "nice boob". I don't know that I have ever turned that red in my entire life.

Cautiously Optimistic

I am hoping John G. Roberts is a man who is able to set aside his personal beliefs and let the law and precedents guide his rulings. We shall see. Otherwise it is going to be a very long 35 years.

P.S. to Newark

Heather reminded me this morning of another part of her Jersey saga. At one point the plane had to taxi back to the gate because it ran out of fuel. She finally arrived home a bit after 8 last night and is bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning.

At Least I'm Not in Newark

I've had a pretty bad day. Work is nuts because we're getting ready for this huge event at the French Ambassador's residence tomorrow evening. The event itself will be really fun, there will be dignitaries and members of Congress there and the residence is absolutely stunning, not to mention ginormous. It's just a lot of work. Add to that my boss' incredibly annoying habit of waiting to the last minute to do things that could have been done way in advance and you've got a surly Plan B. On top of work, I'm really bummed at the prospect of not seeing a lot or any of Paul in the next month, my ankle is still really bothering me, we unintentionally went to the Serbian Embassy instead of the Ambassador's residence, and it's beyond oppressively hot here in D.C.. It's just awful. Not as awful as my poor friend Heather's day.

She's been traveling internationally for work an enormous amount of time the last couple months. She was in Geneva last week, from there to Italy (that one was for fun), then from Italy she was headed to Mexico for more work. The Mexicans moved the meeting to next week so she was looking forward to getting back and spending this week in DC.

The gods are against her. I got these two text messages at 5 pm today:

1. "I'm back ok only kinda im n the us only prob is ive been locked in a plane since 2 on the tarmat we arent leaving until at least after 530 yes n the plane"

2. "stop the madness i just want off the plane hg"

So I called to chat her down off the ledge and turns out she flew out of Paris this morning at 1 am our time and hasn't stopped since. The poor thing. She should be landing any time now, but way out at Dulles which means she won't get home until close to 9. My day will never, ever be that bad.

I'm Sad

Paul is working almost every weekend between now and September. And the one weekend in August he isn't working isn't my birthday weekend which I guess doesn't matter because he won't be here that weekend anyway. Sigh. It sucks liking someone.

Evidently, Not That Friendly

This is somehow better than "The stars fell on Alabama" plate I saw today, but really.....a smiley face on the license plate?

Turns out I AM Perfect

So I guess Paul has been fooled by my jello-sweet exterior.


You are Rosy Perfection Salad!! Though your name
may be innocent and cheerful, your jello-sweet
exterior hides a foul, sinister core.

What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?

Don't Drink Don't Smoke

What do you do? Subtle inuendos follow, must be something inside.

I discovered yesterday that my not-quite-a-boyfriend Paul thinks I'm a goody good. I'll give you time to contain your laughter and shouts of "Has he met you?"....enough time? Have you composed yourselves sufficiently for me to go on? Okay, take your time. I'll be here all day.

How to Lose Weight Without Even Trying

Ah the '70s. Such a great decade. Things the '70s brought to the world: Hong Kong Phooey, Schoolhouse Rock, Saturday Night Fever, Rocky, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The Clash, and most importantly me. There were fad diets galore, but none surpass this incarnation of Weight Watchers. These cards are frightful. I do believe the creators set about a way to create anorexics the world over by offering these recipes as a motivator to not eat and therefore shed the pounds like excess winter clothing in July.

Homegrown

If possible, my opinion of Katie Couric as a journalist (and I am using the term loosely) sank lower this morning. She began the piece with an opening along the lines of "In light of the recent discovery that the bombings in London were the result of homegrown terrorists, many Americans are asking 'could this happen here in the U.S.?'". Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't it happen in April of 1995 when Timothy McVeigh et al bombed the Federal building in Oklahoma City? Just checking.

I've Been Given the Boot

Sigh. I went to the orthopedist today wearing two shoes and came back wearing one of those and one of the ones in the link above. At least mine is all black, which in addition to being quite practical and matching everything is rather slimming. Oh, and that crap about it offering superior comfort? Yeah, no. So, I'm in the boot for three weeks, physical therapy for four. I have to go back to the doc a week from Monday to review the x-rays. If the ankle is not feeling better I will have to get an MRI. Woo hoo.

Dove Ads Should be Worldwide

Evidently, armed, masked gunmen stole approximately 400 breast implants in Brazil. I got a bit of a chuckle out of this story this morning until I read the entire article. Risk of gangrene or death from botched, illegal surgery? Why don't more women like themselves enough to be comfortable with what God (or whatever you belive in) gave them? Surgery is not fun. I will never comprehend why people get elective surgery.

Thank God for Hockey

Now if only DC had a good hockey team....

Shuttlebut

So no shuttle launch due to a faulty fuel sensor. This is in addition to a cover falling off earlier and damaging a couple tiles on the shuttle. Am I alone in being nervous about this?

Almost as Horrifying as the Cats Story

Ah, good old Senator Santorum. His book "It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good" was recently released to less than glowing Amazon.com reviews. Thanks Randall.

I've Learned My Lesson

About a year ago, maybe more, I was at dinner with some friends in a Japanese restaurant. We were having a good time, eating sushi, drinking saki and Sapporo when we heard a clatter and saw the waitress had dropped a tray carrying water glasses. When she was done cleaning it up, I walked by to go to the restroom and somehow managed to find the one small puddle she had missed. Wearing flippers which are not well known for their traction, I slipped and landed on my backside with my left leg underneath me. Having had some drinks, it didn't really hurt all that much at the time and I got up, went to the restroom and then went to the movie with my friends.

The next day was a different story. I couldn't really bend it, but I could put some weight on it, so I wrapped it up, wrote it off as a bad sprain and moved on hobbling for the next 3 - 4 days. It has bothered me off and on over the months but I haven't given it much thought. I've had bad knees/arthritis since high school so annoying pain in my legs is something I am used to. Well, I've started running again. Let me amend that. I have begun to jog/walk with the pipe dream of running again. As a result my ankle pain has been getting out of hand. On the way home yesterday my left leg from the knee down was numb. Not being a complete idiot, I got in to see the doctor today and was told after x-rays that the tendon going from my ankle up my leg is almost three times the size it should be. So I am off to an orthopedic surgeon Thursday, not for surgery but for physical therapy.....hopefully.

Let this be a lesson to all you "oh, it's just a sprain" people.

What is Wrong With These People?

Call me a bleeding heart, liberal tree-hugger all you will, but I read this story and almost gagged. I have no tolerance for animal suffering of any kind. I almost left Jurassic Park 3 (maybe 2 - I can't remember which awful movie it was) when they were hunting and wrangling up the dinosaurs because they looked so unhappy. Mock away.

You Had Me At Dave Navarro

Dammit. I've been sucked into another show. I really am a weak person. I tried not to watch. Honestly. But I caved because of my love for INXS. I was never a Michael Hutchins girl. My favorite was and always will be the drummer (I have a weakness for them) Jon Farriss. So I watched the first couple minutes thinking I would turn the channel if it was awful. And then came Dave Navarro and I was sold. The guy is a fantastic musician and a pretty fun guy to watch. Plus, the singers auditioning are actually, surprisingly good. Poor Paul. He has no idea I'm going to make him watch it tonight. Before you feel sorry for the guy - just know I will be made to watch Battlestar Galactica when new episodes start airing soon. Ugh.

Friday Night Debacle

It wasn't really a debacle per se, I just love to use that word. Paul's brother, sister-in-law, two nieces and dad were coming up to Baltimore Friday for the Sox game Saturday so I worked a 1/2 day Friday with the plan being to meet Paul and his dad at Paul's and then the three of us would drive up to Baltimore and have dinner with the rest of the family. We left a bit later than we wanted (about 3:45) and hit the road thinking it would take us longer than the usual hour to BWI. Longer turned out to be an almost 4 hour drive. It was awful. There was a sinkhole on the BW Parkway which is the road we needed to be on. This made everyone take the 95, the only other road we could take. Again, it was awful. I tried to keep looking on the bright side - at least I wasn't stuck in a car with people I couldn't stand; at least we had a/c; at least we were listening to good music - but man it was tough. I feel awful for Paul's dad - he had driven up from South Carolina that morning. We finally hit BWI and had dinner with his family which was a very pleasant time. His nieces are two of the prettiest children I've ever seen and very well behaved. They absolutely adore him too. Very cute.

So, after the short visit Paul and his dad dropped me off at the train station so I could catch the 10:30 train back to DC. For those of you smart folks, yes I actually spent more time getting to Baltimore than I spent there. 1/2 hour train ride later I was in DC and on my way home where I had a great night's sleep to start the most relaxing weekend ever.

Dy-no-mite!

I had a relaxing weekend at home after the debacle of Friday night (story to follow). While I was putting away groceries I flipped to MTV for some light, summer entertainment. What should I happen upon but the Best Show Evah! Okay, totally not the BSE but pretty fricken awesome. Or should I say groovy? I was a bit leery of MTV's The 70's House at first - c'mon it is MTV. They don't have a sterling reputation for producing quality television - but I watched anyway hoping for maybe a minute of fun. The looks on the kids' faces as they realized they were going to be living the Brady Bunch instead of the Real World were priceless. Then came the moment they found out they had to surrender all things not '70s... .iPods, laptops, cell phones, beauty products, then the wardrobe. Then, the capper which now has me wanting to watch more - everytime a bell rings, they have to do the Hustle regardless of what they're doing be it playing Pong, showering or sleeping. In the immortal words of JJ Walker, this show is "DY-NO-MITE!!!"

It's Official

Mark is my mortal enemy. He got John Denver in my head the bastard.

I Pity the Fool

I have had the theme to the A-Team in my head all morning. It's all the Express' fault. I read this "T Time - Two collectors pity the fools who get in their way - when it comes to amassing Mr. T memorabilia." Every time I managed to get it out of my head for some reason it popped back in. Maybe it was the police officers leaning against their cars at every Metro station. Or perhaps it was the big armored police vans outside of Metro Center. I don't know - but man did I feel safe riding the metro this morning.

Wedding Crashers

I am sitting here at my desk going into my eleventh hour at work with no food save two apples and a trail mix bar. I put my flippers on at 12:30 with every intention of going out to get food and haven't stopped since. I am now waiting for my jackhole of a boss (he's been good, just showing his ass today as Paul would say) to okay something so I can leave. I've decided to take this time to surf the net a bit and came across the soundtrack for Wedding Crashers. It rocks. It rocks so much that it has made me want to see the movie that much more. Rilo Kiley, Death Cab for Cutie, Guster, Spoon, Bloc Party, The Flaming Lips, I could go on, but I must go work. Click on the link to hear snippets.

Sunday in Murlynd

Jim and I have been jonesing for Red Robin steak fries for a couple weeks now. I haven't been to a RR for a good 8 years or so, Jim probably about 2. We haven't spent quality time together recently so we decided a road trip was in order. Sunday we drove out to Maryland (pronounced Murlynd if you live there) and had a delightful lunch. It was worth the 1/2 hour drive to have some strawberry lemonade and fresh, hot steak fries. We've decided to make it a quarterly outing. If you'd like to find your own RR, click above and enjoy.

And because that wasn't enough suburban Maryland life for me, I went to a co-worker's bbq that evening with Agie. It was a trek, but worth it because he and his wife were so happy to see us. They are a really nice couple. Some bbq, margaritas and the end of an extra-innings Nats victory later we were on our way home to the bustling metropolis of DC. On my way home from the metro I saw the drug dealers and prostitutes coming out to stake their corners for the evening. It was good to be back in the city.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot Part Dos

Saturday night Paul and I watched "Closer". It was a good movie, but awful and gut-wrenching in some scenes if you have ever cheated or been cheated on. One of the main characters has the name of my brother, who happens to be the IV.

Paul: "Who would name their son 'brother of Plan B'?"
Plan B: "I don't know. Why don't I ask my parents? Or grandparents? Or great-grandparents? Or maybe my great-great grandparents would know."

As much as I adore Paul, he can be an idiot.

Friday/ Most of Saturday

Weekend was bueno. We got let out of our office cages at 1 pm and amazingly, most of us were able to actually leave close to 1 which almost never happens. Stephanie has 2/3 of my old bed frame at her house and we thought the last third (headboard) would fit in Agie's SUV. Yeah, we were wrong. So we went to a late lunch at a new restaurant by my house, dropped Stephanie off at the metro and then Agie and I tooled around Chinatown for a bit before I went to meet Paul to watch the Sox game (really, what else would I do on a Friday night of a holiday weekend?). We had a nice time at the bah watching the game then headed our separate ways for homes.

Saturday I was supposed to meet Agie and Renee at the Smithsonian metro at 11 am to take in the folk life festival. Paul was going to meet us a little later for lunch and then a movie and dinner with me. I was running late (left my house at 10 to 11) so I hopped in a cab so that the girls wouldn't be standing around for 40 minutes waiting for me. Little did I know they were running late as well. I ended up standing in the sun with strange children touching me (it was very odd) putting me in a crabby mood. So when they called to say they were getting on the metro at 11:25, I decided to bail to meet Paul at his house. I couldn't get hold of him, so I headed to the office and worked for a bit (so sad, working on a Saturday - but it gave me time today to do this). Paul and I met up at 2, walked to Chinatown and grabbed some Chipotle. Agie and Renee met up with us there and we all went to see "War of the Worlds". Despite wanting Dakota Fanning to die a quick, silent death (I would have preferred a long, painful one but that would mean she would keep screeching at levels not quite high enough for only dogs to hear) and randomly thinking "I wonder how crazy Tom Cruise will get before his career completely implodes", the movie was pretty entertaining. An unexpected appearance by Tim Robbins making some very obvious political comments was a treat.

After the movie, we walked around Chinatown shopping here and there (Agie wanted to go to Urban Outfitters, Paul wanted shoes so he could start using the skateboard I got him) and then Paul and I went to his house to cook dinner. I must say I am pretty damn good in the kitchen. Paul wanted pesto with shrimp and pasta. We get to the market and he says "you're going to make it fresh, right?" Who am I to say no? It's just basil, nuts, cheese, garlic and oil. How difficult can it be? Very if you don't have a food processor. Turns out you can make pesto in a blender. Who knew? Well, other than McGuyver.

Another Reason to Move to Canada

Sandra Day O'Connor is retiring.

"I'm Going to Eat the Fat Bitch"

My boss got a fruit basket this morning. Given that he is out of the office until Tuesday I've busted into it much to the delight of my coworkers. Agie came in and grabbed a banana and some grapes. Niki walked by came in and grabbed a pear and a plum. Looking at the pear we commented on what a nice looking pear it was. Her reply "It's dimply". Me "Don't hate the pear because it is fat". Niki - see above title.