Sigh

Ugh. Why are relationships such work? It seems like it would be easy. Two people like each other. Two people spend time with each other and enjoy one another's company. Where does it become difficult? Communication I think. Everyone has their own style of communication and when those two styles don't mix it can be really bad. Some like to talk a lot, some don't like to talk at all and then there are those in the middle. I am usually middle of the road but lately I've been wanting to talk a lot and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not an over-analyzer, I'm usually really good with go-with-the-flow, let's see what happens situations, and am hardly ever insecure in relationships.

This thing with Paul is different and I am not sure why. Maybe it's because this is the first relationship I've taken seriously for a good 6 years. Maybe it's because I'm older and don't want to waste time (or his) if this is something that is just going to be fun. I've been in the "let's just have fun and then go our separate ways" relationships. They have their place but I've outgrown them. I'm not saying I want to get married anytime soon, far from it. I just really need to figure out a bunch of crap before I go down that road. I don't look at him and think "this man is going to be the father of my children" or write my name with his last or think about marriage with him at all at this point. It's still far too new. I guess I just want to know if he sees this going somewhere or if it's just a filler. God, that's awful. I am going to go to physical therapy, go home, take a bath, drink a glass of wine and relax. This is ridiculous. I need more to do.